Welcome to Namimori
by Archiving Archie
Summary: What if Namimori has its own radio show reporting strange and seemingly random events that occur within the quaint little town? Featuring an OC as the narrator/radio broadcaster. Inspired from Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor's Welcome to Night Vale.
1. 1 - Boy in Boxers

A friendly rural town where everything is normal at its prime.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

To start things off, I would like to remind everyone that the sun has now risen, which means that all mothers are now awake to cook lovely breakfasts for their families and that athletic people are now jogging around town for their daily morning exercise.

Stay healthy, folks!

* * *

News.

Miura Haru, from Midori Middle, has stated that she has found a baby wearing a business suit standing outside of the Sawada residence. What could this formal looking baby possibly want from a somewhat normal family living in a normal suburb in Namimori?

No one knows, listeners. _No one knows._

Reliable sources report that there is an unknown construction currently happening around Namimori Middle. These reliable sources state that construction workers are currently building secret passageways connecting to each other all the way around school and by extension, specific places in town that no one would bother to look for secret passageways.

It is unknown what purpose these passageways serve, and who is funding them. I suppose this construction is now part of the _not_ unusual happenings in Namimori, which consist of mysterious assassination attempts, stupidity that is deemed to be impossible, and the seemingly unbelievable number of beatings that is happening every day.

Yes, they are all normal. _Not strange at all._

Just a reminder to all shoppers out there: There will be no sales today, nor there will be one tomorrow either. I repeat, there will be no sales today nor tomorrow. Namimori may be the best in shopping sales, but that does not mean that every day has a festival sale.

Several witnesses report that a local boy with spiky brown hair is seen running around town with his forehead on fire. He also seems to be wearing his boxers only. Now, I know that you might have heard of him from previous segments before, but Yuuma Akio, and yes, you heard that right, _the Yuuma Akio_ who thinks that this town has something strange going on even though it totally _does not_ , stated that the reason why the boy is running while his forehead is on fire is because he was shot by something called a dying will bullet.

 _Oh, Akio_. You are such a silly man.

It seems that boxer boy– who we now know is Sawada Tsunayoshi –has now stopped running around town and is now currently confessing is love for Namimori Middle's school idol, Sasagawa Kyoko. Unfortunately, the idol ran away from him as soon as she saw him in his undergarments only. A lot of students are outraged because of the embarrassing scene the boy displayed.

Several witness also spotted the formal looking baby– we now know that his name is Reborn, thanks to reliable sources –among the students, looking at the scene play out with something akin to amusement.

* * *

It seems like the Head of the Disciplinary Committee from Namimori Middle has suddenly sent an announcement for all students who go to the aforementioned school. I have been ask-ordered to read this brief announcement immediately:

The Disciplinary Committee announces that those who do not follow the rules will be bitten to death.

That is all.

* * *

Back to news:

Local boy from earlier managed to rip off the entirety of another student's hair with his bare hands. What caused him to do this is a game of kendo, in which the prize for the winner is none other than the school idol herself! My, my. What a controversy this is! Of course, even though Sawada Tsunayoshi won, he didn't accept the prize, being a gentleman he is.

Atta boy. Atta.

The town's council is proud to announce that a new park has officially opened just behind the town library. The park consists of a playground for children to play with, beautiful scenery and of course let's not forget the main attraction; an indescribable statue in the middle of the park. The council states that while it is quite strange to have that kind of statue in the middle of a park, it is still fun to guess what it looks like.

Also, there has been a rumor that a real live hitman has arrived in our quiet little town. We don't really know how credible this rumor is, but it hurt to be cautious, can it? Be careful for explosions tomorrow, as our rumor mill provides us that the aforementioned hitman is known to be a pyromaniac.

* * *

And now, _the weather._

(Peaceful Days – Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

Welcome back, ladies, gentlemen, and other creatures with non-gender specific flaps.

The sun has now set, disappearing along with all the chaos that has happened this day, but of course, only to come back tomorrow.

 **Goodnight, Namimori.**

 ** _Goodnight._**

* * *

AN: Yeah I need mental help. Also _why_ did I decide to upload a **nEW STORY** when there's obviously another one not done yet? Probably writer's block. ( _Yes it's writer's block shuddup-_ ) **anYWAY,** uh. There's also another OC featured, his name is Yuuma Akiko, yeah. There'll be more OCs featured in the future, but don't worry they're not that important. Just a passing mention for plot convenience :3 Also remember that this story is a bit of an AU because of Namimori town council's strange decisions ( _coughcityparkcough_ )

Anyway, thanks for reading. Irregular updates are irregular.

 **Bah-bye~!**


	2. 2 - Incoming Storm

Beware of a bombing octopus. He is there, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

The town council would like to recommend all citizens to stay in their safe abodes, as there will be a storm coming over our town that will surely blow everyone away. Casualties, of course, can be prevented if all citizens stay in their homes, where it is safe and secure.

* * *

Our top story today:

Several first-year middle schoolers have all contracted stomach problems such as diarrhea, refluxes and constipation. The Namimori police and scientists have grouped together to find out the cause of this seemingly random chain of events, but instead they found a very shocking connection between the victims: they will _all_ be participating in the volleyball tournament later, with their opponent being the upperclassmen. Now, it seems that the team now only has one substitute player left.

Right now, the police are finding out whether the stomach problems are merely coincidences, or a part of a sinister plan to sabotage the tournament. More to the story, as it continues.

It seems that the unknown construction happening around Namimori Middle has finally finished. We still don't know who is funding them and what purposes they serve, but I am pretty sure the people who did this construction are all ecstatic that their hard work has finally paid off.

New disclosure concerning the rumor yesterday about a pyromaniac hitman coming over to town: _It's not real._ Yuuma Akio merely fabricated that lie to scare all of us citizens. Now, I know that some of you listeners are skeptic about it being a big lie. But do not worry! The town's amazingly hard working police officers have already scouted and searched the whole town for any suspicious behaviors, only to find out that Yuuma, _the Yuuma,_ was merely fabricating the lie to gain attention.

Ugh, what a vile man.

This just in: A teenager has been electrified by a baby. There isn't much detail about it, but apparently the baby's only motive is to wake the poor boy up, as he is already late in going to school.

What a thoughtful and considerate baby for thinking for the boy's well-being.

Also, the Disciplinary Committee would like to announce to everyone _again_ to those that break the school rules, and by extension, the town's laws, will immediately be bitten to death by one Hibari Kyoya, the Disciplinary Committee's leader. The man himself is especially feeling bloodthirsty today, but then again, when is he not? Anyway, best to not to bend rules today, or better yet, _stay away from the skylark as far as possible._

I would like to remind everyone _again_ , since the citizens here in Namimori seem to be more ignorant than average, that there will be _no_ sale today. I repeat, there will be _no_ sales today, as the town council demands it. That is all.

An update about the stomach problem incident: The town police have found out that the students received a suspicious box of pizza being delivered to them last night. The town, of course, immediately declared these unusual events as _merely coincidences_ , because really, _no pizza is suspicious, **especially if it's free pizza**_ **,** and advised the parents of the affected students to forget the incident _never ever_ happened.

To anyone interested about the volleyball tournament aforementioned earlier, it seems like the first-years have won the tournament with one of the player's _'man parts'_ , an overly enthusiastic student stated as our interns interviewed him.

 **"It was extreme!"** The student now known as Sasagawa Ryohei exclaimed during the interview, pumping his fists excitedly. **"He won the game by blocking the ball with his man parts. What an extreme dedication to win!"**

Indeed it is.

Several concerned citizens report that there has been strange explosive noises being heard on the school grounds of Namimori Middle. They fear that the sounds are disrupting classes. Fret not, concerned parents, as the disciplinary committee are always checking around the campus for disturbances and immediately dispose of them. Those explosions you might have heard _must_ be figments of your imaginations only.

* * *

And now, _the weather._

(Gokudera Theme – Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

I would like to apologize on behalf of the town council's mistake. Apparently, there was never a storm that arrived in Namimori. It seems that the council has mistaken the storm as a literal weather forecast instead of a prophecy. Once again, we apologize for the misunderstanding.

And as always, please do not accept pizza from random strangers. The pizza is _not_ suspicious, but the stranger themselves _are_.

 **Goodnight, Namimori.**

 _ **Goodnight.**_

* * *

AN: FAST UPDATE IS FAST YEET- anyway haha, uh thank y'all for the faves and follows. Also to the reviews. Les get to them shall we?

 _ **Calypso0** \- I actually don't know whu this came into my mind but **eH** it's a good plot and good plots all need to be written!  
 **Kain Vexinheim** \- Tru, tru. Hello fellow WtNV fan, I wasn't expecting someone to know Night Vale in the KHR fandom too XD_

Anyway, thanks for reading. Irregular updates are _still_ irregular.

 **Bah-bye~!**


	3. 3 - Lost Cow

Cows should _not_ be treated unfairly. After all, they are one of our main suppliers of food.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

Our news for today:

An explosion just went off somewhere at the suburbs. Our sources report that the sounds are coming from one Sawada residence. Police have interrogated the mother of the household, Sawada Nana, and it seems like the source of the noise only came from his son's roughhousing in his room.

 _Ugh,_ teenage boys, am I right?

Now, it seems like there's another explosion from another area, and the police have found out the one cow print-clad child is the cause of that one particular explosion. They would like to inform the parents of the child to please, please _stop_ giving your child firearms, as they are not only made illegal 13 years ago, but also because they cause _great_ disturbance to Namimori.

Additional information to the child's owners, please get your child at the lost and found office just beside the new City Park.

 _…Huh._

It seems like the cow child has mysteriously escaped the Lost and Found Office near the city park. Witnesses report that he is now roaming around the streets _without_ any adult supervision. It is unknown whether the police are in pursuit after him or not. More to the story as it continues.

* * *

And now for our Horoscope:

 **Aries:** Today you will take a child that will at the same time ruin and improve your eldest son's life.

 **Virgo:** Try not to faint today and tomorrow, as doing so will cause bad luck for the _rest of your life._

 **Aquarius:** I hate you, _Yuuma Akio._ I won't read your horoscope today.

 **Leo:** You will break out of your prison today. That, of course, applies both _literally_ and _metaphorically._

 **Sagittarius:** _Do not regret._ When it is too late, that's when you regret.

 **Taurus:** Please _do not_ stalk someone today.

 **Scorpio:** Whatever you're planning, _it will fail._

 **Cancer:** I forgot to collect my friends' debts.

…That's what it literally says.

 **Gemini: _Stop whatever you're doing right now._**

 **Capricorn:** _Ranks._ That is your lucky word of the day.

 **Libra:** Today is 'to top or be topped' day for all Libras. Good luck on your daily lives.

 **Pisces:** _Why is your hair so beautiful?_

That is all.

* * *

This just in.

Witnesses report strange events happening to town: **Birds are randomly falling out of the sky!** _Yuuma Akio_ states that it is because of food poisoning, but we _do not_ believe him anymore. Nope, not after he _lied_ to us about the pyromaniac hitman!

Meanwhile, Namimori's group of scientists, of course, is studying this strange phenomenon and found out the cause is merely fatigue. Now, listeners, whose statement do you believe? _Yuuma's,_ who not only _lied_ to us but also whose statement is _very_ illogical? I mean, _what_ kind of person would want to poison some innocent birds? Or would you like to side with the _very_ reliable statements of the _very_ reliable group of Namimori's scientists?

Choose wisely, folks. And by that I mean _do not believe Akio whatsoever._

 ** _That man lies._**

* * *

And now a word from our sponsors:

 **'Please do not steal all of our bread sticks.'**

Brought to you by Namimori Diner.

* * *

Updates from the cow boy earlier: it seems that he is actually from Italy, and that he is merely visiting his 'friendly rival' Reborn, as I quote from him. Well then citizens, it appears that the child is not actually lost, but rather, just accidentally blown away by an explosion by his rival, which _perfectly_ explains the noise earlier.

* * *

Listeners, let us go _to the weather._

(Lambo Theme – Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

There is not much to say here anymore folks.

Aside from the major car accidents which _may_ or _may not_ permanently haunt our town forever that just happened a while ago, there is not much important news, really.

* * *

Well, then. I bid you **goodnight, Namimori.**


	4. 4 - Food Poisoning

_Cooking with love._ Not only is it sweet, but it can also be the cause of food poisoning, lifetime phobias and _death_.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

Our news for today:

Birds still have not stopped falling down from the sky. Scientists are now suspecting strange phenomenon happening in the sky. _Yuuma_ , of course, _still_ insists that the cause is food poisoning even though nobody believes his _lies_ anymore.

 _Ugh, why must he keep lying to us?_

* * *

The Disciplinary Committee of Namimori Middle School would like to remind everyone that it is not allowed to bring your younger siblings to school without them having a visitor's pass; as doing so you will be breaking one of Namimori Middle's absolute laws: **The Child Smuggling Ban**. Those who break the aforementioned law will immediately face imminent beating to the face from one Hibari Kyoya.

* * *

This just in: A strange man dressed in a cow print suit is seen running through the streets before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. In the place of the man, instead is the cow-print clad child from yesterday. According to the child, the man he replaced is supposedly him ten years into the future.

 _Strange…_ I thought the town council banned time-travelling 3 years ago…

* * *

Rumor has it; a student from Namimori Middle has almost been a victim of food poisoning. As soon the student opened his lunch, it immediately emitted strange purple gases and worms have started to come out of the food. Sources also report that another student has fainted after not seeing his own sister for years.

Ah, he must have fainted from too much happiness. What a thoughtful sister, visiting his brother all the way from _Italy_!

…Oh, it seems that one of our sources has relayed wrong information. I apologize profusely. The woman, named Bianchi, is actually after her boyfriend, Reborn, who is the baby I mentioned in the past few days.

What a _strange_ relationship. I do hope it is not pedophilia, or I might have to call the police.

* * *

And now, traffic.

After the catastrophic car accident from yesterday, the town council has apparently banned **_wheels_ **now, as they are too dangerous, and could cause harm to the citizens of Namimori.

A pedestrian just jaywalked, but do not worry folks. The police have now taken the man for indefinite detention.

Another car accident reported just downtown. No casualties reported as of yet.

 _Yuuma Akio_ has not followed traffic rules. It appears that he made a u turn on a sign that says 'not u turn'. I do hope some responsible professional has now reprimanded him for violating such crime!

And that is all for traffic today, dear listeners.

* * *

Man in cow print suit earlier has been a victim to another food poisoning after being mistaken for the ex-boyfriend of the one who poisoned him. As he is _supposedly_ from the future, I am _certain_ that he will immediately be treated by high tech medicine.

Also, about the student who almost became a victim from food poisoning earlier, it seems that he is now immune to any kind of poison, as he apparently has some kind of **'iron stomach'**.

Wow, there is a _lot_ of news involving food poisoning today.

* * *

Now listeners, let me take you to _the weather._

(Dokusasori Bianchi – Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

Ladies and mentlegen, the sun has now set.

So far, there have been _absolutely_ zero casualties today, aside from the cow suit man, but he _doesn't_ really count since he's from the future.

No need to tamper with delicate time stuff and paradoxes when you don't need to.

* * *

Well, then.

I suppose that is it for today, Namimori.

 ** _Goodnight._**

* * *

AN: HELLO IM SORRY I CANNOT POST YESTERDAY THERE HAS BEEN AN ACCIDENT INVOLVING SCHOOL PROJECTS-

And, _reviews._

 _ **Kain Vixenheim:** Thank you, mate-o. And to answer your, question: **Yes,** we are going to find out who our dear narrator is._  
 _ **fiddlesticks: **Thank you! :D_

Thanks for all faves and follows, and as always, Irregular Updates are _always_ Irregular.

 **Bah-bye~!**


	5. 5 - Voicemails

Love is very dangerous. _Do not_ attempt love.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

And now, the news.

Miura Haru, from the prestigious school Midori Middle, has filed a case against one Sawada Tsunayoshi for child abuse. She states that the man is being a _very_ bad influence for Reborn, the business suit clad baby. It is unknown whether Sawada Tsunayoshi knows of this accusation but, Miura is certain that she could save the poor baby from the evil man's maltreatment.

Meanwhile, it seems that someone has been using the secret passageways around Namimori Middle and in extension, specific places around town. Sources say that a baby is using it for spying and surprise entrances. The Disciplinary Committee does not know of this yet, and I hope that they never will.

A baby is harmless, after all.

* * *

Listeners, I may not have shared this with you all, but I have received a few voicemails in the past few days… from one Hibari Kyoya.

…Why would he do it? Did I somehow break of the rules in Namimori Middle? Or perhaps…

 _Is it something personal?_

Well then. Let's just listen to his voice mails.

 _First saved message:_

 _Herbivore. How did you find out about the unknown construction? Hn, tell me or I will bite you to death._

 _End of message._

 _Next message:_

 _Herbivore. Stop recording events happening at Namimori Middle School at once. Now._

 _End of message._

 _Next message:_

 _…Omnivore, meet me at Namimori Middle School tomorrow after class._

 _End of message._

Huh, interesting. Well, then. It seems like I have a date tomorrow, listeners. And with a _very_ attractive– although a bit violent –man too.

 _Nice._

* * *

Update concerning the case of one Sawada Tsunayoshi:

It seems that he actually has _no_ idea what lawsuit Miura Haru is filing against him. Or more accurately, he does not know that someone actually filed a case against him _at all_.

Well, good for him. Because Miura Haru has actually dismissed the case, as it is too troublesome and that she doesn't even have a lawyer.

* * *

A black airship is spotted near the new city park. It is unknown what its intention is, but the town council would like to remind everyone to stay away from the city park for now as the airship above it seems to be abducting random citizens hanging around the park.

 _Citizens are not allowed in the park._ Do not talk about the park, _especially_ about the black airship above it.

 ** _Do not even think about the city park_**. Best to just ignore it.

* * *

And now a word from our sponsors:

Our knife is soaked with the blood of our enemies. It is very dangerous, yet also very useful in making sushi. Come! Eat our sushi!

This segment is brought to you by TakeSushi. Please visit their restaurant once in a while. Their dishes are very delicious.

* * *

And now, _the_ weather.

(Tennen Shoujo Miura Haru – Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

I have just received word from a frantic university professor banging his hands just outside our office recently.

Good news to all nerds out there: It seems like the _great_ Professor Boreen was spotted here in Namimori solving a _very_ hard university level question. Professor Boreen is a _genius_ mathematician who _never_ fails to solve problems that were deemed impossible although he rarely makes an appearance in the scientific community. To all those who are interested at the question, here it is:

 _If you had a stack of 100 sheets of 11.5 cm2 papers, which are dropped together from a height of three meters, prove that when they fall to the ground, the stack will not fall apart._

Now you might think that, _'But wait, Gin, isn't proving that simply impossible?'_

Well, listeners, the great Professor Boreen has somehow solved it. What a genius!

Oh, the university professor from earlier has somehow managed to get inside the office and gas given one of our interns a photo of Professor Boreen.

Well, there's only one thing I can say about the man. _You rock those sideburns, Boreen!_

* * *

Listeners, Namimori is such a beautiful place, and it totally did not become a Mafia base in the past. Nope, this town is completely safe one hundred percent!

 _Goodnight, Namimori._

 ** _Goodnight._**


	6. 6 - Armored Stranger

Just a warning to all: Do **not** accept Hibari Kyoya's invitation to meet with you, ever.

That man is terrifying as fuck.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

News.

Namimori Middle School's school grounds right now are being repaired due to last night's unfortunate accident involving flying tonfas, a pissed off Disciplinary Committee Leader and the poor soul who is unfortunate enough to face the wrath of the man.

Casualties include broken ribs, a fractured arm, a black eye, dislocated knees and a bruised jaw.

I was the poor soul. Please forgive me if my performance today is somehow… _a bit unprofessional._

The Namimori Middle's school grounds have already been finished repairing. The school would like to sincerely apologize to all those who were inconvenienced by the construction right in the middle of school. Furthermore, they would also like to apologize to the poor soul who was probably traumatized and _'bitten to death'_ by the Disciplinary Committee Leader yesterday.

I am _not_ traumatized. I also probably deserved that beating, since I was _kind of_ disrupting peoples' privacies. _But still,_ I forgive the school already.

* * *

This just in: Citizens report that a strange armored person is seen walking around town. They state in their reports that the person seems to be looking for something, or rather, _someone._ We still do not know who this armored person is or who they are looking for. More to the story, as it continues.

Probably.

* * *

The town council would like to announce that the city park _has mysteriously disappeared_. According to them, they still do not know what caused this event to happen. Police, meanwhile, are suspecting that the black air ship from yesterday is somehow tied to the event. They are currently investigating the scene, and have found strange claw marks littered around the area that once was a city park.

A moment of silence to grieve for the city park that was just built a few days ago. Goodbye, city park. _We will forever miss you._

* * *

An update on the strange unidentified armored person; our sources say that they are now in pursuit of Sawada Tsunayoshi, a student from Namimori Middle. It seems like the person is very intent on beating up the boy with her wooden hockey stick.

Oh, it seems like the armored stranger has now revealed themselves. _Shocking!_

 _ **It's Miura Haru, from Midori Middle!**_

Now wait a second; didn't Miura file a lawsuit against Sawada for child abuse? Is she her vendetta against the boy somehow _not_ over yet?

* * *

We interrupt this program with a very urgent announcement from the police:

 **BEWARE OF THE BLACK AIRSHIP.**

 _Please remain calm and **do not move an inch from your position**. The black airship is **highly** dangerous and will abduct everyone and everything that is locomotive and will immediately dispose of them by throwing them in to the abyss just outside of town._

 _._

.

.

Citizens, it is now safe to move. Thank you for your cooperation with the police, you may now carry on with your lives.

* * *

It seems like the Midori student has failed her attempt in assassinating– _assassinating?_ What a strange wording –Sawada Tsunayoshi and has now fallen to her doom. That doom being the river she has falling down after an attempt to strike Sawada with her hockey stick by swinging it.

 _Oh_ , um… It seems like the boy has actually saved her. She actually is outside our studio, listeners, banging against the door furiously in an attempt to get inside. Our interns are trying their best to seal the door shut. One of our interns, Hinata Shin, has already fainted from the sheer amount of stress everyone is giving her. Our colleagues have now taken her to the clinic for medical assistance.

Ah. She broke in. Well folks, I-

 ** _"Tsuna-saaaan!"_**

 _Ma'am, please, you are not allowed in here-"_

 ** _"I would like to announce to everyone in Namimori that Sawada Tsunayoshi-san will be my future husband!"_**

 _"Ma'am, please get off the recording booth-"_

 ** _"Hahi! It's the police!"_**

 _"Get her!"_

* * *

…Well, that was rather eventful.

Anyways, let us now all go to _the weather._

(Eventful Outbreak! - Katekyo Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

Well, listeners, it is time.

Time to dress ourselves in special sleeping clothes and lay on special sleeping mats then spend the next few hours completely comatose all the while hallucinating vividly.

 _Goodnight, Namimori._

 ** _Goodnight._**

* * *

AN: SO I REALIZED THAT I FUCKED UP A LOTTA TIMES IN THE PREV CHAPTER- plz forgive me i was multitasking that time aka listening to wtnv while writing this fic and my mind decided to merge the two -,-

anyway so hA HIBARI beat the shit outta our narrator. nice.

And now... _reviews:_

 _ **CaleidoscopeS:** Done! :D_  
 _ **Kain Vixenheim:** **I'M SO SORRY PLEASE DON'T PURGE ME-** _(´；д；) _anyway, no. uh, i actually intended the date statement to be sarcastic lol. im **not** v good at romance s **o yea-**_

Anyway, thanks to all revs and faves and follows. Irregular updates are _still_ irregular.

 **Bah-bye~!**


	7. 7 - Man in a Top Hat

Help. Someone is stalking me.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

Our top story today:

A student from Namimori has attempted suicide. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on whose perspective, he has failed in executing the suicide, as another student save him from his attempted suicide. For privacy purposes, we'll just name the student… Sushi.

After we interviewed Sushi about his suicide, his reason, apparently, is because he doesn't have the will to live anymore, as the only thing he was good at was taken away from him. He stated that he cannot play baseball anymore now that his arm is broken. Of course, being the idiot he is, as he stated so, he did not think that the broken arm would be healed within a matter of weeks, and that his parent will be really devastated if they have found out that their son had tried to commit suicide.

Well, good news for the parents, I suppose as another student, who we will be naming Tuna for privacy purposes, somehow saved Sushi from falling to his death. The details are a bit confusing, but Tuna has somehow made his hair into a spring, and that the spring cushioned both of their fall.

Yes, very confusing indeed.

* * *

The town council is proud to announce that the city park is now back in it's place, and with a new attraction: _Zombies!_

Scientists are currently researching whether or not these zombies are real or not. Police are now controlling the massive group of zombies attempting to get out of the park and eager to consume human flesh.

Conspiracy theorists, meanwhile, are attempted a coup against the town council for, and I quote, "endangering citizens of Namimori and hiding government secret from us". Fortunately, these crazed theorists failed as the black airship from yesterday abducted them and took them to the abyss. Now, about their claims. I can assure you all that the town council has tried their best to prioritize all of your safety. As for the secrets, well, they are merely doing it to protect us from harm.

So please, _don't_ hate the town council. They are just trying their best.

* * *

There is a strange man outside my door. He is clothed strangely; his whole body, including his face, is completely covered in bandages. He is also wearing a fur trimmed and slightly torn cloak. He is also wearing a top hat wrapped with a few bandages, which, I have to admit, is slightly outdated. I mean, who even wears top hats as style anymore?

Anyway, it seems that the man has now entered the office via teleportation. He is also threatening everyone to find a person named _'Gin'._

…If anyone knows a person who goes by the name of 'Gin', I would like you all to report that person to the radio station, which of course is located near the Namimori Diner right behind the parking lot, as it seems like this person named 'Gin' was accused of breaking a type of law named 'Omerta', which means 'A Vow of Silence'. The person who is proven to have committed such crime will _immediately_ be executed on the spot.

* * *

 ** _"CRASH!"_**

Well, it seems like uh… one of our interns, Hinata Shin, has, um, mysteriously obliterated into black dust. We are very sorry for those who are assigned by the town council to mourn for Hinata's death.

Excuse me for a while, I have… important matters to attend to. Meanwhile, _please enjoy the weather today._

(Ame no Message – Yamamoto Takeshi)

* * *

Welcome back, listeners.

Miraculously, I have survived from the onslaught of strange cloaked people who ambushed me as soon as I left the station. But do not worry folks, I am fine right now.

Yes, _definitely_ fine.

 **Goodnight, Namimori.**

 _ **Goodnight.**_

* * *

AN: UHHHH TIMELINES ARE SO CONFUSING DOGBLARMNIT. so uh yeah, this definitely is an AU, like, it's a mix of manga and anime where the timelines are fucked up. ANYWAY, Vindice! Yeah, omerta thing. idk how it works, but my headcanon is that when someone breaks omerta, vindice arrests said breaker. Nobody knows how our narrator survived. No one.

 **THANKS FOR ALL REVIEWS MATES-**

also it's my birthday _(happy birthday **aRCHIE YOU ASS-)**_

Irregular updates are _irregular_.

Bah-bye~!


	8. 8 - Surprise Guest

Join the mafia. The town council highly recommends it.

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

Our top story for today:

The town council and Namimori Police would like to announce that they have finally come to reconciliation. _Again._ It is unknown how this happened, but conspiracy theorists suspect that it has something to do with the city park yesterday.

Ugh, I bet that it's _Yuuma Akio_ who made that lie.

In other news, a business suit clad baby is seen just outside the office, watching us. Waiting for the perfect moment to- Oh, _wait._

...

Well, listeners. It seems that we have a surprise guest today! Let us all welcome the infamous from Sicily, the one and only _Renato-san!_

 ** _"…Ciaossu."_**

Well, hello there, Mr. Renato! You seem to be looking much more youthful today. Ah, intern Haiya Jin just handed me a photograph of you. Yeup, you definitely look a lot more youthful today, good sire.

 ** _"…Thank you for the compliment. You look quite youthful today, too."_**

Ah, yes. Thank you for pointing that out. Our listeners here can't really see me, per se, and if I'd point out my features randomly, then that'd just be very unprofessional, and not to mention narcissistic. Of course, this youthful look would not be possible without *************! ************* is a beauty product that can make you ' _as youthful as fuck_ '!

…I'm sorry, that was a bit unprofessional of me. The product has been censored by the station management because it was not sponsored. I sincerely apologize for my impulsive action.

 ** _"Don't sweat it, kid."_**

 ** _"…Anyway, as much as I would love to have a chit chat with you today, I must go now. To be honest, the visit here today wasn't actually planned at all."_**

Oh, um… I'm very sorry then, for the second time. I must have taken a lot of your time here… doing business in Namimori. Although I may ask, what brings you to this very small and rural town?

 ** _"That information is confidential."_**

Alright then… Well, I suppose that is all for today's talk with our guest, Renato-san. Thank you for coming today, and I hope you enjoy your stay here in Namimori!

 ** _"Oh, I certainly will. Ciao."_**

 _…?_

* * *

Well then, listeners, it is now time for _traffic._

The sky is bright, as commuters stagger to go to their respective work. Cars beeping at each other, not moving an inch ever since the town council banned wheels.

A pineapple rolls to the ground, in front of a child who will soon be soon caught in a car accident a week later.

"What is this?" She asked herself, looking around her to see if it is a joke. She bent down, picking up the pineapple, feeling as if its eyes were boring into her soul. She took a deep breath, examining it.

It certainly is a strange fruit, she mused, nodding to herself before blushing, and looking around if someone is watching her. But no, there is no one. She is alone.

Alone, and with a mysterious fruit.

And that, my friends, is today's _traffic._

* * *

This is just in, ladies and gentlemen.

A middle school student chokes a middle aged woman, all the while thinking it was a strange little _dream_. She appears to have been clueless about it when interrogated by the police, but they suspect that the student is lying in an attempt to evade a warrant of arrest.

The victim in question has no idea that she has been choked, too. She states in the interview that, quote: **_"What are you talking about? Ah, I see! Is this some kind of tv show prank? Where are the hidden cameras?"_**

The interns who were assigned to interview her looked at each other and shrugged, deciding that it was a lost cause and played along in an attempt to humor the victim.

I am _very_ sorry for you, unnamed victim. You have been tricked. I hope you forgive the interns for that.

After a few minutes of investigating done by the professional police, they have found no evidence of an assault happening and deemed the middle school student as innocent.

* * *

Now, I present to you _the weather._

(Eye of the Bandicoot – Chris Kogos)

* * *

Welcome back, listeners.

Sources report that the sun has set a little bit late today.

Well, it seems like there isn't much to talk about anymore, fellow listeners.

For that, I bid you adieu.

 _Goodnight, Namimori._

 ** _Goodnight._**

* * *

AN: Don't ask about the weather. Seriously, **don't.**

ANywaY sorry for the late update (altho i did say that i have an irregular update schedule) bcuz... school. also i just took like 5 exams yesterday and will take another 3 in monday but das n **ot impORtanT-**

Anyway, let's go to the reviews mates:

 ** _ChibiCielo27:_** _Well, it actually depends on the flow of the story-  
 **Kain**_ ** _Vixemheim:_** _lol totally that just happened this chapter. also just asking for an opinion; **do you think our narrator is part of the mafia?**_  
 _ **Honest (Guest):**_ _**THANKS.** and well ye i suppose they'll be meeting hibari and reborn a LOTTA times in the later chapters lmao_

ANYWAY NOW THAT"S DONE I would like to thank y'all for reading this story I really appreciate it-

Irregular updates are _still irregular._

 **Bah-bye~!**


	9. 9 - Intern Jin

Today is Crush Day. You know what that means. _Crush all your enemies like the vermin they are!_

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

The Namimori Zoo would like to announce that they have _finally_ reopened, after being closed for three months due to an accident involving a radioactive octopus and non-corporeal beings. The reopened zoo has now new features in it, including a new animal, a red panda, and few other things like cages to separate all animals to prevent them from killing each other and of course, the renewed main attraction for the zoo, a black hole located in between the lion's den and the bird cages. You know the one just behind the forest of doom?

Yes, _that_ black hole.

The Namimori Zoo would also like to announce that they would not be held responsible for any casualties, deaths, and/or alien abductions happening in the perimeter of the zoo. That is all.

* * *

The Namimori Middle School Disciplinary Committee has recently sent me a brief notice, with a small yet still recognizable post scriptum at the bottom left corner of the paper. I am a bit puzzled as to why a Disciplinary Committee would send a notice to a radio broadcasting station, but I suppose if it was sent here, then it must be deemed important. Let me read the notice to you, dear listeners:

 ** _"This letter is addressed to one Onsei Gin,"_** Oh, so it seems that the person who sent this knows my name personally. That is a bit comforting, if not slightly creepy.

 ** _"The Leader of the Committee declares that you are now a part of the Disciplinary Committee. Hence, you are to report at the Reception Office at Namimori Middle School at 2 PM sharp."_** Hm, so it was sent by Hibari.

 _That is not a good sign._

Oh, and before I forget, the post scriptum says, **_"If you come late, I will bite you to death."_**

…Well then listeners, if you don't ever her from me again, then am most likely already dead, courtesy of one Hibari Kyouya. As for the, um, slightly threatening invitation sent by the Disciplinary Committee, I _suppose_ that I won't be present somewhere between 1 to 3 PM, seeing that it is mandatory to report at the Disciplinary Committee Office.

So, good news, friends! Intern Haiya Jin will be taking my place for a while later! And let me tell you, dear listeners! He is _such_ a cool guy!

* * *

And now for our financial report.

 _…Oh no._

Well, it seems that the current economic status of Namimori is… average. _Very_ average.

While the town council is unbothered by this, the remaining conspiracy theorists who have mysteriously survived the 'Black Airship Incident' complain that, quote: _**"The town council is corrupt, as they are not doing anything to improve the economy of this town."** _End quote.

In response, the mayor flipped them off as they blanched at his surprising public display of action.

That, listeners, is today's financial reports.

* * *

It is now time for Haiya Jin to take my place in this segment, as I am supposed to report at 1 PM sharp at Namimori Middle School's Reception Office.

 **I hope you will like our temporary radio host, listeners!**

* * *

So, um, _hi._

I'm, uh, Haiya Jin. One of, um… Namimori Radio's interns. But you _probably_ already know that, since, uh, Gin-chan told you earlier about me.

…Anyway, uh, it seems like she uh, left some things for me to… tell you guys, or something…

Ah, so uh, apparently, the uh, Namimori Police and the town council had a big fight again. Uh, wow. They sure do quarrel _a lot_ for a couple. But, uh, I guess it's a good thing that there weren't any casualties… or anything…?

…I don't… _what?_

Okay, then. Um. Oh!

So uh, someone sent us a message, from uh, Y-Yuuma Akio… So uh, I'll read the message, I guess? 'Hem, so uh… Here it is:

 _ **"Hey Gin!-"**_

…Oh god it's a _fucking_ personal letter… I-I don't know i-if I, uh, should read this thing… _um…_

 **"So can I ask for a little favor? Could you d-do a little survey a-about what the, uh, citizens think about Namimori? That would really help the town council i-in improving this town, thanks!"**

Well, this is a very hard decision for me. As you all listeners know, Gin-chan greatly dislikes Yuuma because of something, I _don't_ really know the details. So, uhh…

Should I do the survey of not…? Uh, fellow interns? _Boss?_ Little help here?

…

Oh, okay then, if the management said so, then I guess I'll do it.

So, dudes and dudettes! What do you all think of our lovely town? Do you like it? Do you hate it? If you have opinions, _please_ tell us about it!

Anything helps! Whether it's a negative or a positive opinion, it doesn't matter! After all, it's just _your_ opinion.

Anyway, you can send your opinions by emailing us at ' **station_management emaildotcom** '! Or, if you don't have any computers, you can just send a traditional mail at Namimori Radio Station itself. Thank you for your cooperation!

* * *

So, uh, looks like my time's almost up... Oh, so Gin-chan just messaged me _the weather_ just now. Um, here it is, I guess.

Enjoy.

(Fuuki Iinchou Hibari Kyoya – Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

Hello listeners! It's me, Gin. I'm back~!

So did you have fun with Jin? I hope so, he is a pretty cool guy, if not a little timid.

Anyway! You would _not_ believe what just happened while I was at school. An _actual_ fight between Hibari Kyoya and some first-year students has just occurred! It was so... so… **neat!**

There was this one first-year that manage to escape from Hibari-san's wrath… _with his boxers!_ Strange, I know. But apparently he did it! Now isn't that just awesome?

* * *

So, it's already getting a bit dark, Namimori. I hope you all have sweet dreams in your peaceful sleep.

 _Goodnight, Namimori._

 ** _Goodnight._**

* * *

AN: henlo bootiful ppl i have somehow surivived this week of school (i fell down a worm hole- and by that i meant a hole full of worms) so yeah uh glad to see i could still update this story- dont ask about the worm hole thing- seriously it was just a school project or something-

Reviews:

 _ **Kain Vixenheim:** that... is actually a spot-on answer lol. yeah, they aren't a part of the mafia. anyway, thankie for answering!_  
 _ **Bell2629:** THanKS :D_  
 _ **Kaolyn:** Thank you! And yeah, Yuuma is such a liar. No one should believe him after lying about the hitman! xD_

Thanks for all the faves and follows! Irregular updates are _still_ irregular (I do have a spare chapter tho lol)

 **Bah-bye~!**


	10. 10 - Explosions

Is it possible for someone to be a _complete_ human bomb?

 **Welcome… to Namimori.**

* * *

News.

A baby is seen… _what?_

A… _baby…_ is seen levitating a dog, a Chihuahua to be precise, saving a middle school boy from being terrorized.

…That is slightly strange, but of course, it's not as strange as the ominous looking figures always stalking me in my sleep just outside of my abode!

Hm, _maybe_ I shouldn't have mentioned that.

* * *

And now for our **list of missing things**. To return them to the owners, please submit these things if you ever spot them to the Lost and Found Office just beside the city park. Here is the list:

· Dynamites

· Blood-covered knife

· A lone zombie staggering around

· Wallet full of European money

· Backpack; and

· An unnamed Child

And that is the **list of missing things**.

* * *

Back to news:

A child, the same child from earlier, seems to be looking for someone, which people suspect is his parent. The child, whom we now know is I-pin- what a strange name for a strange kid –appears to be 'grumpy-looking' and 'a rude brat, randomly running away from conversations'. The police are now helping the child finding the person by printing out posters and showing them to citizens, asking if they ever saw the man.

More to the story, as it continues.

* * *

Anyway, let us now go to our **Horoscope.** Ooh, I hope I'll get a good one today!

 **Aries:** Be good to your children today, as doing so you will get good karma! Aries is the luckiest this week.

 **Virgo:** Doing things to the extreme is good, if not too annoying.

 **Aquarius:** You will have the worst luck this week. Also, your admirer will still not confess to you today. _If you even have an admirer._

 **Leo:** Don't be reckless, or else your neck will break, and you will die a very embarrassing death.

 **Sagittarius:** You all have serious health problems.

 **Taurus:** You have luck in hanging out with people today! Better luck if you hang out with children.

 **Scorpio:** Your plan _still_ won't work, so it's better if you would just stop it before you hurt yourself.

 **Cancer:** You will be appreciated more than usual by your boss today! Your lucky number for the day is 84.

 **Gemini:** What are you doing with your life right now?

 **Capricorn:** You are accident prone today. Please refrain from using knives to prevent injuries from happening.

 **Libra:** You will be a part of something big, _whether_ you like it or you like it.

And that, dear listeners, is today's **Horoscope.**

* * *

This is just in; an explosion just occurred at approximately twenty feet away from Namimori Middle School in the sky! As a member of the Disciplinary Committee, I advise- I _mean_ , I hereby order everyone to _please_ calm down and _do not_ freak the fuck out or I will be forced to… do things.

Violent things.

The explosion is reported to as loud and bright, a standard definition of a normal bomb thrown out in the sky. The other members of the committee are now investigating the area of the explosion, only to find out that it is merely a cause of a child.

 _…Why does this seem oddly familiar?_

Anyway, they have now left the scene, thinking that it was merely a hallucination fabricated by their delusional minds.

* * *

The police would like to announce that the man the child named I-pin was looking for has been finally found. Not only that, the person that I-pin has been looking for is a mafia boss, and that the child is supposed to assassinate the aforementioned mafia boss.

Well, this day just keeps getting stranger and stranger.

Eh, _not really._

* * *

Listeners, I present to you _the weather._

(Ningen Bakudan I-pin – Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn OST)

* * *

Welcome back, listeners. I hoped you all enjoyed your dinner.

I just recently received news about another explosion, this time located in the Sawada Residence in the suburbs. Fortunately, there were no casualties, although there _may_ be a few victims who were inflicted with minor injuries and concussions.

In another note, scientists report that there has been a spike of time travel energy, detected by their new invention, which is an energy detector. They- the scientists –are now trying to study the source of energy, which could potentially be harmful to citizens in Namimori.

That is all for today.

 _Good night, Namimori._

 ** _Good night._**

* * *

AN: yoooooooooooooo so i uh prolly wont update during weekends (even tho i planned to) because... _camping._ and other dumb shit.

 _Irregular updates are irregular._

 **Bah-bye~!**


End file.
